We only begin to live when we conceive life as..Tragedy...

it sucks here.
i hate it most days.
i hate what i've become and what i've lost.
i wish for times i shouldn't.
i hate being a grown up and trying to act responsible.
being hopeless with no goals is so much easier. you never let yourself down.
whatever.

oh live journal.

For those who care...
I have a new number now, since the old one freaky people called me on too much.
its 231 343 2110.

So i'm writing a new zine..And i want to have some other people write some junk for it. Its pretty open, basically i want something like..
I believe..... because....

The whole thing is going to be about differing beliefs, in a close community of people, accepting other ideas and building walls and separating us all futher. Closing doors in the sake of our own beliefs, shutting people out, when ides are very similar. I got this idea from a situation i heard about thats been happening lately with some people and a certain town. I trying to stay very neutral but i want to present both sides as a way of opening up communication.

call me crazy, i'm pretty much going to be mailing this to whomever wants a copy. i'm lame and i don't get out much.

fell free to email me too if what you want to say is personal and you want it annoyomous. xkaty15x@hotmail.com

i'm not sure how to feel about this..who the hell is that dude with the afro, and how the heck do i look like him?! not to mention i picked the lamest picture of myself. haha. everyone should do this!

Ok i just had to copy and post this from Kevin. I want to share this with everyone! And I totally agree with Kevin..i've never met a teenager that did'nt have less than five of these characteristics.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.

The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

* Frequently wears black clothing.
* Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
* Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
* Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
* Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
* Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
* Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
* Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
* Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
* Takes drugs.
* Drinks alcohol.
* Is suicidal and/or depressed.
* Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
* Complains of boredom.
* Sleeps too excessively or too little.
* Is excessively awake during the night.
* Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
* Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
* Spends large amounts of time alone.
* Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
* Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
* Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
* Misbehaves at school.
* Misbehaves at home.
* Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
* Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
* Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
* Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
* Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
* Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
* Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
* Expresses an interest in sex.
* Masturbates
* Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
* Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
* Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
* Claims to be a goth.


If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~ St. Mary's Catholic Church

livejournal is for bitches.

Today is so sad. Its raining. Things aren't going well and everything just seams to be spirling out of wack. I dream of warm summer nights laying on red dirt under pink skys. What is out there other than a dream?
Don't get me wrong i love the snow globe sometimes but i just can't help but think that this feeling means that i'm supposed to move on. Could it be the antisipated summer? the lack of sun? the disire to break with rutine? blah.
Its just leaving me uncomfortable, bitchy..and pesimistic. Maybe i'm pmsing.

You know the feeling where you just can't quite grasp onto something, you can't quite put a name to a feeling. Thats been pretty much that last month of my life.
Last weekend was my birthday, i'm 21 now. Had a pretty good birthday, was able to, thanks to my dear mother, sufice my addiction to shoes, maryjane type shoes. oooo.

Lastnight Derek and I watched this movie called "Paperclips". The paperclip was actually made by a sweedish designer as a sign against the nazi party. So this school in Tennessee decided that they were going to start collecting paperclips and try to get 6 million of them, they started writing people they knew, other schools, state rep's and even Tom hanks, asking them to send paperclips. They started the project in 1998 and in 2001 they had over 27 million paperclips from donations as far away as Germany and Poland. They got so much response that this German couple found an authentic box car from the time that they were used to transport Jews to the concentration camps. It was so cool to see all these kids coming together and working towards this common goal,to fight intolerance. It was kinda cheesy in some parts but overall, it was a really good documentary, i highly reccomend it.

Too much ebay, too many out of control molments. thus is life.

defemation of character week, to those who might be new to this idea, is "to showcase things about yourself that are embarrassing, shameful, or gross in order to counteract the natural tendency to make yourself seem like a flawlessly hip, smart, and otherwise swell person" :

1.i really like hilary duff, and linsey lohan movies.
2.sometimes i ask more of people than i give to them, inturn i overlook my own shortcomings.
3. i am very sexual naieve and unexperienced. half because i was raised in a very religious family and half because i was scared and shy.
4. when i get flustered or overwellmed i just cry.